Why I’m allowed to brag; Why you are not, Part I

Sorry to brag, but here he is. DOING THE ROBOT

Just so we’re clear: I am allowed to brag about my son. Sorry. You, on the other hand, you lucky parent of a developmentally-normal toddler, you may not. That’s just the way it is. Let’s do the math. My son, who is almost 21 months old, can’t walk or even stand without support. He’s barely talking. He looks like he’s about a year old. He wears leg braces. He just, um, looks different.

What’s that? Your little one is using multi-syllabic words while walking backwards down the stairs on her way to help momma make organic palm sugar almond butter cookies? That’s f&*king awesome.

It makes me feel bad when achievements are all mom/dad talks about. Sorry. Those little humblebrags are a constant reminder that my son is not normal. Would you go up to an adult with any sort of uncomfortable life-changing condition and just start talking about how many kilometres you ran today, or about how much food you ate last weekend, or how much better you slept after doing hot yoga last night? Hmmmm… you might, and it probably wouldn’t even hurt most people, but why take that chance, right?

So the next time I brag about my son (like the time he almost said “egg” in Serbian), please do any or all of the following: Roll on the floor, hyperventilate, make sounds only dogs can hear. Whatever. Please make it clear to me that this achievement is amazing. Cause it is.

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